If you’ve had a young child, you know they incessantly ask why. “Mommy, why is the sky blue?” or “Daddy, why aren’t there anymore dinosaurs?” How can you give them an answer without going into three hundred other things that will cause them to ask why again?
It’s how they learn to play with curiosity. Which is, all told, a good thing. Until it no longer serves you and becomes a distraction.
I love to look at patterns, and flow, how things come about and why. My husband says that he’s going to etch “Here lies Lisa, perpetually wondering “what’s that about?” on my tombstone. Then I heard one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Caroline Myss, say this: “Give up the need to know why things happen as they do.”
What? Ruminating on the why is one of my favorite things to do!
She’s right, though. Spending precious energy on questions for which there are no satisfactory answers is mental masturbation. It’s fun and it’s entertaining for a while but it doesn’t really get you anywhere.
For example, I often speak of my goddaughter Lauren who died in 2006 at the age of 19 from bone cancer. If I spent time wondering why her, why at that time, why did we all go through this with her (ad nauseum), what answers are available? Even if God/dess came and said “Well, here’s the deal. Her soul work was complete, even though she was 19. And her leaving was part of an agreement she made with certain people so they could complete their soul work. It was a journey you all agreed upon before you incarnated.”, she’d still be gone from our lives. I’d still miss her every single day that I walk upon the earth. The answer to WHY doesn’t take away the pain.
I think that’s true for a lot of things. “Why me?”. people ask when unfortunate things happen. Is there any good answer that will help you walk through the situation? Not really, I don’t think. It just keeps us in a cycle of asking why, getting no (good) answers that satisfy us, getting angry about the situation AND the crap answer and around and around we go.
Asking why is a natural inclination. We all do it. And there’s nothing wrong with it. But if you can go one or two steps beyond the asking, you might find what you need in that moment.
Once I learned that there was NOTHING I could do to keep Lauren here with us (and I tried bargaining with the Universe, badgering my Guides and Teachers for answers and a thousand other things), I gave up on asking why. I accepted that this was what her soul chose and my soul chose to walk with her on the journey. When I allowed my soul to take over, peace was part of that journey.
Asking why keeps you locked in that cycle and soon your brain gets used to that endless loop. It becomes almost a comfort zone. That’s why I liken it to mental masturbation. Feels good but …. is there more? Is there a place where I can get what I need?
Giving up the need to know why is an integral part of the #UnwaveringTrust recipe. Sometimes, you just have to accept what is and work with it. Even if you don’t know why it’s happening to you.
There’s peace in releasing that need.